tak semua perkara SENANG

camna nak citer..actually blog ni pun buka jd tatapan umum tp special for me utk lepas / luahkan perasaan…kanvas aktiviti n hamparan rasa disgala waktu n perkara yg dilalui. dah sebulan menunggu, bila dpt kata putus..ada plak yg tersangkut2 dlm deal tu..dui rupa2nya ada benda x clear lg..mula lar citer x senang kami berurusan bermula. satu persatu ckp kami dah jd mcm kna putar sana sini. seolah2 kami yg berjanji n berkata begitu n begini…tp ada juga perkara yg x pernah disebut permulaannya diutarakan skrg. so mana kami nak stuju..yg asal2 pun dah x betul n rasanya mcm x lgik lar plak kalu itu permintaannya.

so hati pun jd x tenteram n akhirnya tawar hati. me dlm hati mmg ada sedih tp rasanya dah buat yg terbaik same goes to mr hub..we hv try to give n find better solution tp kalu mengharap lbih kami pun x bleh lar nak lunaskan smua. akhirnya kami pasrah. for now we just want to wait n c apa kata mrk. nak mengharap lbih2 pun dah x bersemangat..last2 pg td mr hub kata bukn snang nak amik hak milik org..ya BTUL tu. (me dlm hati mengiakan )

effort dah kami berikan n..rasanya yg terbaik tp kami pun bkn nak offer reta yg x sberapa tp jgn sampai menyusahkan kami dah ler. tahu bkn juga duit yg mrk nak tp bawa pk2 lar skit..masing2 ada tanggungjawab..so jgn lpas tgn larr…lg2 sdiri yg buat so sdiri mesti tanggung tp sib baik ada yg sudi membantu disamping kami sdiri menginginkannya. well ada timbal balas frm both sides tp jgn lbih berat one side dah ler. so kami decide pencarian harus diteruskan..x bleh mengharap pd yg satu jer..n spt biasa usaha lain utk diri sdiri pun tetap akan diperjuangkan. kwn mr hub ada offer..so mungkin kami akan cuba..n trus mencuba. bak kata org usaha n tawakkal kan!! semoga ALLAH mendengar doa2 kami ber2- AMIN.

                     

si MATA duitan

salam mata..ko pandang duit jer ke selama ini?

mata:  tidak..

otak: tp alangkah bahagia khidupan x dijerat dgn duit

diri:  sama dr dulu sampai skrg..x der berubah pun? masih ke mata duitan..salahkah cari kesenangan hidup n ketenangan emosi dgn dijauhkan dr beban duit?

mata: ada dpn mata aku ambil lar..x der aku cuba cari lar..salah ker?

otak: x salah juga…herm berusaha n bantu membantu..tp ada yg salah sangka..camna?

diri: ada di luar mengaku x pandang harta..n yg luar juga lebih memahami dr diri di sini..ksian.

mata: kuar lg air yg x bertepi …buat skian kali

otak: sdihnya…x penat ker?

diri: nasib bdn…terima, cari kekuatan..tp blum cukup kuat, terpinggir krn dipinggir…maka mata megeluarkan titisannya, otak berperah mencari ruang keredhaanNYA

maka cari lar NYA dimana ketenangan milikNYA selamanya…diri hanya meminjam dan kini ia hilang, diri harus pergi mencari semula..truskan pencarian dgn mata hati

AMIN.

menCARI mlm lailatulQADAR

salam mlm buat semua…hati berbunga menanti kemunculan mlm lailatul qadar..sepuluh mlm terakhir..semlm dah bermula tp alkisahnya aku hanya mampu merancang namun yg ESA jua menentukan..pasrah :(

7thn lpas x pernah aku trasa sedih bila x dpt melalui sepuluh mlm terakhir ini..menanti dan mengharungi terawih..ianya berlalu mengikut kemampuan & kehendak aku shj..tp thn ini berlainan..aku mnaruh byk harapan dan aku mengharapkan semuga smua harapan aku dpt diluahkan di mlm2 yg penuh keberkatan itu utk aku panjatkan semua doa yg terpendam dan terkarang buat selama ini. ya ALLAH kau jua maha mengetahui…berikan aku kesempatan utk bertemu dgn mlm penuh dgn keberkatan mu..mlm penuh dgn keselamatanmu..mlm kebaikan keseluruhannya walau dihujung ramadanMU!!

kesedihan ini byk bersebabnya..x terkira dek tgn, x terhitung dlm mindaku..byk yg bercelaru dan menduga..oleh itu ramadan dtg sbagai pengubat jiwa yg pasrah, hati yg pudar, iman yg luluh dan kesabaran yg hampir hancur..mungkin aku byk bermain dgn perasaan tp aku hanya insan yg lemah..perasaan lebih byk menguasai diri ini..aku cuba bangun mengatasinya..bangun utk berfikir waras, bangun utk betindak scara rasional..apa yg pasti aku jnis yg ingin kpastian bg stiap kesangsian ini. siapa yg dpt fahami??? even sometimes aku sdiri meragui tindakan aku tp jauh di sudut hati aku tahu kepastian itu memberikan aku seribu ketenangan. mampukah dia memberi kepastian itu? aku pasrah ya ALLAH….muga ada penyelesaian bg segalanya. berikan aku seluruh ketenangan tanpa sebarang sangsi dihujung harinya ya ALLAH, amin.

1. Keutamaan Malam Lailatul Qadar

Cukuplah untuk mengetahui tingginya kedudukan Lailatul Qadar dengan mengetahui bahwasanya malam itu lebih baik dari seribu bulan, Allah berfirman.

“Artinya : Sesungguhnya Kami menurunkan Al-Qur’an pada malam Lailatul Qadar, tahukah engkau apakah malam Lailatul Qadar itu ? Malam Lailatul Qadar itu lebih baik dari seribu bulan, pada malam itu turunlah melaikat-malaikat dan Jibril dengan izin Allah Tuhan mereka (untuk membawa) segala usrusan, selamatlah malam itu hingga terbit fajar” [Al-Qadar : 1-5]

Dan pada malam itu dijelaskan segala urusan yang penuh hikmah.

“Artinya : Sesungguhnya Kami menurunkannya pada suatu malam yang diberkahi dan sesungguhnya Kami-lah yang memberi peringatan. Pada malam itu dijelaskan segala urusan yang penuh hikmah, (yaitu) urusan yang besar dari sisi Kami. Sesungguhnya Kami adalah Maha mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui” [Ad-Dukhan : 3-6]

2. Waktunya

Diriwayatkan dari Nabi Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bahwa malam tersebut terjadi pada tanggal malam 21,23,25,27,29 dan akhir malam bulan Ramadhan. [1]

Imam Syafi’i berkata : “Menurut pemahamanku. wallahu ‘alam, Nabi Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam menjawab sesuai yang ditanyakan, ketika ditanyakan kepada beliau : “Apakah kami mencarinya di malam ini?”, beliau menjawab : “Carilah di malam tersebut” [Sebagaimana dinukil Al-Baghawi dalam Syarhus Sunnah 6/386]

Pendapat yang paling kuat, terjadinya malam Lailatul Qadar itu pada malam terakhir bulan Ramadhan berdasarkan hadits Aisyah Radhiyallahu ‘anha, dia berkata Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam beri’tikaf di sepuluh hari terkahir bulan Ramadhan dan beliau bersabda.

“Artinya : Carilah malam Lailatul Qadar di (malam ganjil) pada 10 hari terakhir bulan Ramadhan” [Hadits Riwayat Bukhari 4/225 dan Muslim 1169]

Jika seseorang merasa lemah atau tidak mampu, janganlah sampai terluput dari tujuh hari terakhir, karena riwayat dari Ibnu Umar, (dia berkata) : Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda.

“Artinya : Carilah di sepuluh hari terakhir, jika tidak mampu maka jangan sampai terluput tujuh hari sisanya” [Hadits Riwayat Bukhari 4/221 dan Muslim 1165]

Ini menafsirkan sabdanya.

“Artinya : Aku melihat mimpi kalian telah terjadi, barangsiapa yang mencarinya carilah pada tujuh hari terakhir” [Lihat Maraji' tadi]

Telah diketahui dalam sunnah, pemberitahuan ini ada karena perdebatan para sahabat. Dari Ubadah bin Shamit Radhiyallahu ‘anhu, ia berkata : Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam ke luar pada malam Lailatul Qadar, ada dua orang sahabat berdebat, beliau bersabda.

“Artinya : Aku keluar untuk mengkhabarkan kepada kalian tentang malam Lailatul Qadar, tapi ada dua orang berdebat hingga tidak bisa lagi diketahui kapannya; mungkin ini lebih baik bagi kalian, carilah di malam 29. 27. 25 (dan dalam riwayat lain : tujuh, sembilan dan lima)” [Hadits Riwayat Bukhari 4/232]

Telah banyak hadits yang mengisyaratkan bahwa malam Lailatul Qadar itu pada sepuluh hari terakhir, yang lainnya menegaskan, di malam ganjil sepuluh hari terakhir. Hadits yang pertama sifatnya umum sedang hadits kedua adalah khusus, maka riwayat yang khusus lebih diutamakan dari pada yang umum, dan telah banyak hadits yang lebih menerangkan bahwa malam Lailatul Qadar itu ada pada tujuh hari terakhir bulan Ramadhan, tetapi ini dibatasi kalau tidak mampu dan lemah, tidak ada masalah, dengan ini cocoklah hadits-hadits tersebut tidak saling bertentangan, bahkan bersatu tidak terpisah.

Kesimpulannya

Jika seorang muslim mencari malam lailatul Qadar carilah pada malam ganjil sepuluh hari terakhir : 21, 23,25,27 dan 29. Kalau lemah dan tidak mampu mencari pada sepuluh hari terakhir, maka carilah pada malam ganjil tujuh hari terakhir yaitu 25,27 dan 29. Wallahu ‘alam

3. Bagaimana Mencari Malam Lailatul Qadar.?

Sesungguhnya malam yang diberkahi ini, barangsiapa yang diharamkan untuk mendapatkannya, maka sungguh telah diharamkan seluruh kebaikan (baginya). Dan tidaklah diharamkan kebaikan itu, melainkan (bagi) orang yang diharamkan (untuk mendapatkannya). Oleh karena itu dianjurkan bagi muslimin (agar) bersemangat dalam berbuat ketaatan kepada Allah untuk menghidupkan malam Lailatul Qadar dengan penuh keimanan dan mengharapkan pahala-Nya yang besar, jika (telah) berbuat demikian (maka) akan diampuni Allah dosa-dosanya yang telah lalu.

Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda.

“Artinya : Barang siapa berdiri (shalat) pada malam Lailatul Qadar dengan penuh keimanan dan mengharap pahala dari Allah, maka diampuni dosa-dosanya yang telah lalu” [Hadits Riwayat Bukhari 4/217 dan Muslim 759]

Disunnahkan untuk memperbanyak do’a pada malam tersebut. Telah diriwayatkan dari Sayyidah Aisyah Radhiyallahu ‘anha, (dia) berkata : “Aku bertanya, “Ya Rasulullah ! Apa pendapatmu jika aku tahu kapan malam Lailatul Qadar (terjadi), apa yang harus aku ucapkan ?” Beliau menjawab, “Ucapkanlah :

“Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibbul afwa fa’fu’annii“

“Ya Allah Engkau Maha Pengampun dan mencintai orang yang meminta ampunan, maka ampunilah aku” [2]

Saudaraku -semoga Allah memberkahimu dan memberi taufiq kepadamu untuk mentaati-Nya- engkau telah mengetahui bagaimana keadaan malam Lailatul Qadar (dan keutamaannya) maka bangunlah (untuk menegakkan shalat) pada sepuluh malam terakhir, menghidupkannya dengan ibadah dan menjauhi wanita, perintahkan kepada isterimu dan keluargamu untuk itu, perbanyaklah perbuatan ketaatan.

Dari Aisyah Radhiyallahu ‘anha.

“Artinya : Adalah Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, apabila masuk pada sepuluh hari (terakhir bulan Ramadhan), beliau mengencanngkan kainnya[3] menghidupkan malamnya dan membangunkan keluarganya” [Hadits Riwayat Bukhari 4/233 dan Muslim 1174]

Juga dari Aisyah, (dia berkata) :

“Artinya : Adalah Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersungguh-sungguh (beribadah apabila telah masuk) malam kesepuluh (terakhir) yang tidak pernah beliau lakukan pada malam-malam lainnya” [Hadits Riwayat Muslim 1174]

4. Tanda-Tandanya

Ketahuilah hamba yang taat -mudah-mudahan Allah menguatkanmu degan ruh dari-Nya dan membantu dengan pertolongan-Nya- sesungguhnya Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam menggambarkan paginya malam Lailatul Qadar agar seorang muslim mengetahuinya.

Dari ‘Ubay Radhiyallahu ‘anhu, ia berkata : Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda.

“Artinya : Pagi hari malam Lailatul Qadar, matahari terbit tidak menyilaukan, seperti bejana hingga meninggi” [Hadits Riwayat Muslim 762]

Dari Abu Hurairah, ia berkata : Kami menyebutkan malam Lailatul Qadar di sisi Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam beliau bersabda.

“Artinya : Siapa di antara kalian yang ingat ketika terbit bulan seperti syiqi jafnah” [4]

Dan dari Ibnu Abbas Radhiyallahu ‘anhuma, ia berkata : Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda.

“Artinya : (Malam) Lailatul Qadar adalah malam yang indah, cerah, tidak panas dan tidak juga dingin, (dan) keesokan harinya cahaya sinar mataharinya melemah kemerah-merahan” [Tahayalisi 349, Ibnu Khuzaimah 3/231, Bazzar 1/486, sanadnya Hasan]

alKISAH si curiga n sangsi

cuti!!! yuhuuuuuuuuuuuu..teamat excited. espc dpt cuti di pertengahan week, amat dinanti2kan..byk plan..nak ajak mr hub mengemas umah..tp lain jd nya plak…btw, salah sdiri..so sdiri kna tanggung. Salah sdiri ker? yer krn hati tlah dihasut setan beso even dlm bln poser ni..c..betapa manusia ni lemah, dah disebut dlm al-quran bln poser mana ada setan..so lbih pd nafsu akal pemikiran yg cetek n mainan emosi kot..itu yg hampir jd lg WW between me n mr hub…sorry sayang..by minta maaf..hati berprasangka ini mmg  hati yg jahat, tp slalunya hati ini x menipu tp apakan daya kalu kali ini diri sdiri tertipu dgn hasutan akal n emosi. MAAF buat mr hub tersyg…hanya dpt diluahkan disini..dan berjajni pd diri sdiri..akan diluahkan mohon kemaafan ini..bila??? insyaallah, diatas kewarasan n kesedaran fikiran..akan kutunaikan kewajipan itu..salah yg dtg dr ketaksuban sdiri..hati ini mengaku buat sekian kali. syukur masih diberi kesedaran n hidayah…muga sangsi n curiga x kan dpt singgah lg dianjung hati yg sudah merana di tika dulu..krn tika ini hati sdg cuba merubah n berubah demi sebuah cinta sejati – dr isteri buat suami terchinta…muga kekal abadi hingga ke nafas terakhir!!

tp…ciss masih nak bertp…teori masih logik…kalu x knal no fon tu naper berreply2 sakan kan?? mmg x logik…n takkan ler terlalu bodoh si dia..x lar aku ini terlalu bodoh juga..tp pnafian yg diberikan maha hebat..akhirnya aku mengaku kalah dlm diam. diam itu lg baik..lg aman..lg menenangkan!! semuga penafian itu adalah sebuah kebenaran yg dtg dgn keikhlasan..AMIN ya allah, damaikan lah dua hati yg berkocak ini, kembalikan sinar bahagia n ketenangan jiwa buat aku n mrhub..muga yg lpas hanya tinggal sjarah, bkn utk dikenang, jauh skali utk ditangisi lg dimasa hadapan tp hanya sbagai pengajaran diatas smua kesilapan n kealpaan aku sbg umatmu yg lemah!

**syukur air mataku mempunyai nilainya kali ini…hati itu kuat, iman itu teguh lg!! AMIN ku berdoa muga sangsi n curiga pergi jauh dr diri aku yg lemah ini forever n ever!

diDUGA lg

salam ramadhan..pg2 lg dah diduga hati n perasaan ni…dui, payahnya rasa hidup bila hati x sedamai saat2 gembira, bila hati x setenteram hari2 bahagia..bila kesilapan kita yg diperkata x tahu dimana puncanya.

silap ke pesanan atau ingatan yg diberi? salah ke budi bicara yg ditutur? angkuh ke amaran itu? bila hak milik dan kemudahan kita yg diberi disalah guna..akhirnya kita yg dpt hamburan kata2 amarah…..adui…bingung dan terluka lg hati ini.

andai bicara mengundang kemuraman, mengundang sakit hati, menghancurkan mood yg ada…siapalah aku kiranya kini? dulu sbagai penawar kata, pengubat rindu, penyeri hari..mungkin kini dah berubah…kini berlainan cara, berlainan suasana..terima lar hati dgn redhanya, krn dgn penerimaan ikhlas ko akan mampu bangun dan menjalani hari2 dgn aman.

knapa egonya hati sidia n seolah2 aku x der hati utk dijaga n perasaan utk difahami..hanya dia. hanya hati n perasaan nya sehingga aku sdiri mkn hati…bak menelan sembilu hempedu dlm diam. tertekan.. tp itu lar dugaan..itular cubaan ke arah pembentukan semula kasih syg yg hampir tersungkur menyembah bumi dek hadirnya taufan yg diundang tanpa disedari…maka aku harus tabah, aku harus kuat, aku harus gigih mengharunginya utk selama mana yg termampu..krn aku tahu suatu hr itu akan tiba..masa dan hanya DIA yg menentukan.

semuga kekuatan iman itu ada, ketabahan hati itu milikku n kesabaran itu hadir dlm jiwaku…dan dipermudahkan segala urusan n perlaksanaannya..AMIN!

RENUNGan

salam..dah lama x berblogging..selama tu juger actually byk yg berlaku n mostly yg terpahit n tersedih pernah dilalui dlm kehidupan stakat hr ni.

tersedih krn dah x der air mata nak dikluarkan dah…dah penat coz rasanya dah sampai tahap pembaziran…n selbihnya spt x dihargai pula..jd mengapa harus menangis..that is not e’ only senjata pun yg kaum wanita ada..maka finally berserah pdNYA is e’ best way..pray n doa!!

terpahit krn apa yg berlaku terlalu pahit utk ditelan begitu shj..n lastly terpalit dlm hati di satu sudut dimana x mungkin dpt hilang sepantas mungkin..semuga masa dpt mengubatinya dgn berkat dan rahmat petunjuk drNYA juga.

bukan emo tp realiti sbuah kehidupan x slalu indah..n ini yg terjd…kena terima kenyataan n hadapi sebaik mungkin..namun aku juga seorang wanita, ada kala aku terungkit kisah lpas..namun bleh kah sidia memahami?? bkn dgn niat tp kesan yg masih tinggal menjd penyebab utama knp memori pahit terluah.

apa2 pun me n him try to remedy wateva mistake we hv along e’ road of our marriage..may GOD bless our marriage n our effort towards his goodness. n as for me, i’m trying my best to be a good wife…but wif a hope luka lama x berulang lg!!

women is ez to forgive but not to forget..that is what happen to me too…being lie is really an ashamed n feel like an idiot but life n truth will never lies u..just face it n tackle in on your own style..either e’ best or bad ways is all up to u, urself. so do me..at 1st i cant take it..i’ almost feel like crazy but when i’m more in awake n calm situation, i can think rationally n act wisely wif a guide frm HIM…

buat si DIA yg pandai berkata2 dihadapan n bermadah2 di alam maya…berpura2 like she knows n even understand everything i hv go thru…its really a BULLSHIT when she herself did not hold to her promise!! if before this i’m a bit admire of her understanding but now..i just hate her so much…a very good pretending human i ever met..its SUCK!! she don't even know what she is doing but she talks like she live than u longer n experience all...play wif fire n somebody life n soul..is just not ethically good. so for those out there careful wif this kind of  species..what species am i talking about….pk lar sdiri coz i hv my own term already but its for me…only for me – if u all hv experienced it then u will know what to call it.

but i’m not solely blame her. for me it comes wif 2 heart wif e’ same character but might be wif diffnt intention…n same goes to me. i’m lack in so many things as a perfect wife  or may be i took everything wif granted without noticing a small mistake grow bigger n can lead to his kind of situation, but so do e’ other side..both of us need to change if we do really love n care about each other.

now i’m change and he also change..yes?? its a question about whether i’m believe or not, about time to put back my trust n about my instinct – to hv no more doubt n bad 3rd signal frm bottom of my heart ..AMIN. semuga dipermudahkan segala urusan ku ini.

suppleMENT

salam..ada amik any supplement utk kesihatan diri? erm dulu mmg x pernah amik pun..kalu ada pun cod fish oil – Scots emulsion brand tu jer..tujuannya utk kasi skin cantik skit..berminyak..coz i’m a type wif dry skin. after quite sometimes, i’m stop. but nowadays after consulting wif doc regarding my fertility prob, i’m in a mode of taking evening primrose oil as a daily supplement + acid folic.

well i guess everybody knows acid folic is for what kan..so let it be, but for EPO is for my PMS cycle yg agak truk for every 1st day. so after taking this 2 mths continuously, i can feel e’ difference…no more period pain n even sometimes i did not realize my period is coming…so GREAT to experience that after almost 20yrs of period cycle I'm having a very bad period pain all e’ time.

so this EPO i’m taking daily in e’ mng before went to office – either after or before breakfast..i think its fine. at e’ same time, currently i’m taking a maajun. this maajun is meant for my fertility prob too..wif hopes it repairs or boost up wateva needed for my health. this maajun is quite costly – rm25/bottle n content is only 90tablets with daily consumption is 6tablets/day. huhu, so it will last for 15days only ok….but for this purpose, juz give it a try. mr hub is e’ one who ask me to consume it frm his friend recommendation..so for me no harm at all to take coz its a traditional medicine – herbs n spices.

makna sebuah keTENANGan

hermmm…dah waktu lunch..tp bila ngadap nasi n suap skali, 2 kali n masuk 3 kali selera dah x der..x lapar ker? dah kenyang? x juga..yg pasti slera mati ari ni…fikiran aku byk mnerawang mengingati kembali detik2 aku ditegur ALLAH sehingga terbuka sgala rahsia. syukur sgt aku diberi instinct sbegitu kuat…if not spt org bodoh n buta yg jln nya dipimpin org tp org yg memimpin, mengeji dlm diam.

tersandar skjap kat kerusi ofis..kerja byk, padat n ladyboss lak asyik pot pet2 jer..dia yg kna pressure aku pun terkena tempiasnya. camna nak concentrate kalu otak lari dr fokus yg spatutnya….skrg rasa risau, takut, geram, sangsi n was2 ..sgala pun ada. x leh imagine, dlm senyap mcm2 cara leh buat n terjd….wat if ada jln lain lg espc bg yg mmg nak sgt buat…doi..rasanya mmg ALLAH jer leh bg panduan kat org tu agar dia ketahui or not at all…DIA shj yg leh gerakkan hati hambanya ini. tp berdoa sgt sepandai2 tupai melompat biar akhirnya jatuh juga ke tanah..jd sdar diri ler kalu nak buat benda x baik ni kan.

kpala pk, penat rasanya bila ada fikiran sangsi2 camni..bkn dr segi emosi jer tp scara fizikal pun sama. mana taknya…tido pun dah x lena..terjaga awal, mkn dah x lalu…byk pk ..selera x dtg bertamu, last2 takut kerja lak x menjadi…if mcm ni leh die wooo! leh sakit jiwa, tertekan di umah n opis..camna??? skrg ni kalu bleh rasa nak duk sblah org tsyg tu..berkepit 24 jam, jaga n perhati sgala gerak geri…tp dah gila ker? x kuasa n tertanya naper camtu skali…hati, berilah kepercayaan krn kdg2 ketakutan akan bawa pd kbenaran..lg naya…smuga dijauhkan. kepercayaan leh ker bg smua? mungkin dah terlambat..keprcayaan dah byk dihantui syak wasangka maka tinggal jer lar saki baki…ish2..sedih.

begitu rupanya bila dilanda masalah…masalah mengugat jiwa, dunia seakan sempit..mcm x der ruang nak bernafas, terpaksa bgerak slow n kdg kala tgk kembali ke belakang apa yg kurang n terlebih..perbaiki..if not mcm keta buruk..leh repair, leh ar bgerak smula, if not trus masuk bengkel besi buruk…musnah, x der harapan. selisih!!

tarik nafas…pjg2 n hembus. sbenarnya nak buang prasaan negative ni, tp rasanya syaitan tu ada lg duk bertenggek, kocak ktenangan jiwa, mengserakah hati yg tulus – jd ler camni…tekanan. kalu bleh diexpress smua skali alangkah damai hati ni, tp syg slalunya byk yg terbuku..peram n pendam jd isi hati..lama2 busuk,, mau hancur lebur hati..if bleh diselamatkan, kesannya tetap masih ada…terpalit disitu.

ya ALLAH ku pohon sbuah ketenangan kembali bertamu dlm hidup aku yg x sberapa, berikan kekuatan pd skeping iman yg tipis dan ketabahan buat ht yg terluka.

opps..dah 1.20..almost finish lunch hr..kena pi solat n cont kerja smula..harap2 prasaan jahat tu dah hilang…AMIN

i’ve LOST e’ ring

salam. OMG…is this e’ sign of my bad stories before this??? btw i’m realized e’ ring is not in my finger last monday mng…where does it slip? when? why i cant recall any moment of i’m taking it out frm my finger..dui. but at e’ moment nothing bad cross my mind but today it wakes me up..does it related..is it a sign?? gosh..mcm tahyul ler plak nak percaya tp juz imagine e’ ring i lost is my wedding ring..not my engagement ring n not other ring (mcm byk sgt ring..2 ketoi tu jer lar .. :( n i really forgot where n when..what can i say must be lost it when i’m staying at ampang-my PIL house last weekend.

hoho..i hv to search for it..i must!! it was like i must save my marriage!!

keBODOHan yg menjd pengajaran

once a while i wrote about my feelings..not only happy but also e’ sadness..n this is e’ cont of my sadness.

i have e’ facilities but i’m not using it…when i saw e’ other people is use it n put my loved one picture…how mad can i say in my heart..like want to explode – this is my stupidity!! (laugh at myself ;(

actually this is e’ story..lari frm tajuk:

e’ bomb already explode yesterday..tahap kesabaran dah abis…aku redah!! tp syg skali it seems all my fault…GOD i admit..but all these happen because of reason too!! who else can understand if not me, myself. however i need to change for betterment, change for good, change for my loved one….n he also need to change (i hope ;(

this 7 yrs of life with him full upside n down n we manage to go thru together..but e’ 8th yr is such a rocky yr for me. loves come wif money n money comes wif love too..mutually agreed..not stand alone!! so all these make as one of e’ factor towards e’ prob in our relationship.

to those single buddies out there …pls consider other people feelings when u r in relationship wif somebody yg dah berpunya scara MUTLAK!! pls think what u will feel if u r in e’ same shoe of e’ victim..if u hv heart..u r a kind person..if not, u r heartless!!

terbace frm my fren blog…i love it..so i’m sharing it here.

Tp smlm aku lbh byk bertanya dia kenapa? n most of my questions dia xleh jawab. aku tanya dia apsal dia blh sangkut dgn awek dia tu? apa yg hebatnya dia compare dgn wife dia? Dua2 soalan dia xleh jawab. Dia cuma blh ckp dia pun xtau kenapa blh jd mcm tu.. :P. Tp dia blh ckp dgn aku dh tua2 ni makin ramai pulak yg minat.. dia rasa lebih konfiden dgn diri sendiri. Aku pun cakap ler perempuan yg minat tu sbb perempuan tu ingat ko ni kaya n dh stable. kalu ko susah mcm mula2 keje dulu ko ingat ada perempuan nk himpit? masa tgh sengkek dulu, bini yg satu tulah yg setia dok kt sebelah susah n senang. dh senang, ramai ler perempuan yg himpit. tp sendiri mau ingat lah.. perempuan2 yg menghimpit ni gamaknya perempuan cap apa? lu pikirlah sendiri.. Yg perempuan pun.. xpikir dah laki org ke bapak org ke, kalu nk kebas, semacam aje lajunya... btul lah Fadhilah Kamsah ckp "hanya perempuan yg membunuh perempuan"...

tp dia ada ckp dgn aku.. awek dia tu, opismate dia juga.. betul ler kata ustaz dlm rancangan Semanis Kurma tu (bukan rancangan "Manisnya Kurma Ini" versi maharaja lawak okkkkk!), katanya manusia ni baik lelaki baik perempuan biasanya akan curang dgn org yg HAMPIR dengan dia.

OVULATION kit

selepas kekecewaan bln lepas..as usual days passing by without waiting for anybody..so as to me…i know, i cant give up coz there is always hope n ways as long as me n hubby still working on it….n HE knows e’ best for us n HE knows everything what inside n outside of me n hubby…our feelings, emotions, hopes, strengths to go thru all this. may it never fade away frm both of us..so we still can keep our effort go on unstoppable.

this time as per plan..i’m taking e’ chlomid – can’t remember e’ gram..but for 1st trial doc advised me to take e’ small gram together with EPO n acid folic..good to help conceive, which this 2 things has become almost like my supplement vitamins – everyday consumption

other than that, i’m still continuing checking on my BBT temperature….n its already e’ 4th mth..i can see that my cycle is consistent..around 27 or 28 days so basically the fertile period is frm day 12 to day 15…which it means i need to work more harder on those days which is quite tense once a while when u knows that u r doing it for certain reason…e’ enjoying moments is getting harder…but i hv learn lots…i try to relax n think positive..doing it for fun?? not really but IKHLAS…(guess that is e’ right words!!)

beside i do take an initiative to buy an ovulation kit – this kit is to determine when is my fertile days…it easy to understand frm the instructions n its like u r testing for pregnancy…

u can find this in almost all e’ pharmacy – i bought it @ Subang parade Caring Pharmacy, n i’m using it on e’ 12th day of my cycle…

this is backside of e’ kit..details instruction attached in.

  front look of e’ box – 4 test kit = rm49.90

so frm e’ reading, when it appears 2 line as above, one darker than another one it means next 24-36hrs is ur fertile time dear…n that is mine!! so be prepared zue!!

this is how its looks – 4 packets but left only 3 coz i’m already using it 1. since 1st test already shown e’ sign of ovulation time, therfore i an save 3 test kit for future used….IF still no rezeki for me again this mth…IF not, then say bye2 to it..however it has no expiry date till u open the packets..so keep it for nxt TIME.

e’ journey

day 30 (3/3/11): not sure what to write…but need to share this feeling though its scary…coz penantian itu satu penyeksaan…n this is what happen to me!! i’m waiting for something..waiting for a good news frm HIM to both of us…in a blur situation wif my BBT graph, n in a situation i’m not doing it everyday (taking e’ BBT temperature) all of sudden the day i waited or can expected is passing by without any sign!!! oh GOD…is this real (day-29)…if this is real, pls give me a really2 good news..AMIN coz i’ve never having late mensus for all my life n also never not to have it at all.

I said to myself to make sure i’m pass until it reached 30days of my cycle day..then maybe i’m relief frm this pressure…lots of things in my mind…i dont want to give a high hope but not to say deep in my heart, i pray for e’ best…

dear mr hub is really2 confident when i’m not having my mensus on my day 27 – my normal cycle period. huhu..guy..yes i try to understand him n hope he understand me too, if I'm not giving any response to his bright n wider smile every mng n evening he pick me up frm work!!! dear we still hv to wait until all is assure by e’ doc…so wait patiently while going on pray to dear MIGHTY GOD – ALLAH

so lets today finish with good!

day 31 (4/3/11) – woke up this mng..n checking my BBT..ooo its 36.74..abnormal frm usual body temperature…frm my reading its another sign of “ am i pregnant?”…hehehe coz i’m not having any obvious symptom like what they said..nausea , fatigue or headaches…but today at work i did feel a bit of backaches…skjap2 larr.

me n hubby decide to hv confirmation direct by seeing the doc..instead of doing own test. (ok ker??) actually rasa lebih slamat buat sdiri dulu dak?? huhu..takut terperasan sdiri tp mmg mcm2 perasaan skrg ni…takut n happy smuanya bercampur baur…dui…n e’ date for confirmation is on 11/3 coz this to really2 show i’m late frm my last day period (8/2/11) by 1 week.

again pray for the best…n my weekend pass by like normal with no pressure coz this things really distract my mind..can’t keep not to think about it..even i dreamt about it….huhu

day 32 (5/3/11)

day 34 (7/3/11) – i gave the perasaan keterujaan tu pd hubby..utk dia beli pregnancy test kami…plan utk wait untill firday n c e’ doc mcm x leh jd coz rasa x sabar nak tunggu dah..yer arr penantian itu satu penyeksaan kan..n seriously i am scared..tgk hubby beria2 sgt…n over confident…but me dah rasa skit confident coz till now mmg x period lg..which is away out frm my regular period cycle.

so mr hub pi lar beli e’ kit test..siap call2 lg tanya masa dia kat pharmacy..brand apa ek..n mana satu yg bagus..dui,mana lar aku tahu, pernah skali jer beli…4 yrs back kut..can’t remember anymore…so ptg tu lik dr kerja hubby tunjuk..so a bit excited tgk benda tu..tp takut tetap ada. spt plan nak test ari rabu pg jer…so wait lg shari (esoknya) to pass by safely.

day 35 (8/3/11) – TODAY genap seminggu lewat peod…coz my last 1stday peod is on 2/2  n end on 7/2 (last day peod)

terjaga dr tido early dr biasa..kesejukan coz cuaca luar hujan..terasa nak pee n tetiba teringat e’ test kit….terdetik nak buat test tu pg ni..tetiba rasa x sabr nak verified status diri ni…pregnant or apa?? ya allah dlm keadaan terdesak nak membuang kecik tu..pi turun dapur cari bkas yg leh tadah urin …

later aku buat apa yg patut…dan akhirnya terjawab persoalan n segala ketakutan tu…-ve!!! terpempan tgk result tu….x tau nak define mcm mana dah..air mata x turun pun coz aku sdiri x tau rasa apa..tp yg pasti aku blur….sesangat. mr hub masih tido..n dgn gagahnya aku dekati n kejutkan dia…syg, by dah buat test n i’m not pregnant………..

dgn blur n agak terperanjat..hubby bgn n pi tgk result…n as expected he said nothing much but said its ok…maybe its false, we go n meet e’ doc lar…but for me..mcm harapan dah hancur smuanya!! x perlu jumpa doc dah….biar lar keadaan ni mcm ni sampai nxt mth…baru jumpa doc…frust nyer, ALLAH jer yg tahu.

habis solat baru air mata ku berderai..aku berdoa kalu aku x pregnant, x perlu lah DIA bg ujian lain dlm hidup aku lg..(maksud aku..jgn lar kerna penyakit lain lak), byk juga history penyakit aku ni..x mau rasanya bebankan org2 tersayang…

terbayang2 reaksi hubby masa menanti saat2 ni…wajah dia gembira yg amat n penuh dgn keyakinan…jaga mkn n minum serta pergerakan aku..tu yg buat aku lg sdih…coz smua kerna 7thn yg kosong!! harapan kosong …n keadaan ini hampir buat aku kembali rasa kosong..x tau based on apa lg aku nak berpaut keyakinan ini..cuma DOA jer yg mampu skrg ni..utk kesihatan aku sdiri. dah x byk harapan yg leh aku pertaruhkan.

BTW back frm office, after taking my bath wif all no intention but saja nak jenguk test kit tu smula…tup2 2nd line nya warna muncul, tp x jelas sgt ar..mcm warna pink gitu….erm apa tandanya tu..(however its not relevant anymore coz itu after lot of hours passing by pun!!) aku show to mr hub…so dia advise..jgn pening2 kpala…jumaat kita pi confirmkan dgn doc trus…but my intention is to wait untill genap 2 weeks late frm my cycle…so c lar how.

day 38 (11/3/11) – we went to c e’ doc n e’ result is –ve too!! she ask to come back after 2 weeks n check again….but for me rite now i’m so depressed….n so shock…i’m really wonder n this wandering keep me sad for a day..my tears fall again n again!! I have decided with my hubby to just let it be until it came to my next mensus cycle again..if i’m still not yet peod, therefore i have to c e’ doc again..what to do n what happen?? must find e’ answers too…

************************PAUSE****************************

hahaha..finally..day 42 () – my mensus coming back!!! ;(( tears falling down as usual…semoga diberi kekuatan seterusnya.

ferTILITY food

got some good info while blogreading…

While eating a healthy, balanced diet, drinking lots of water, exercising regularly and avoiding alcohol and cigarettes is the best way to get your body in shape for a baby there are certain foods which are said to boost (or at least optimise) your fertility. By including the following foods in your own and your partners diet you can help to ensure that you are getting all the important nutrients you need to make a baby.
Whole grains
Whole grains such as oats, brown rice, whole wheat and quinoa are complex carbohydrates and so not only give you lots of energy for baby-making by releasing sugar into your blood slowly and evenly, but also contain an abundance of B and E vitamins that are essential for cellular reproduction, hormonal balance and the production of healthy ova and sperm.
Oily fish
Oily fish such as salmon, mackerel and sardines are the best source of essential fatty acids (EFAs) omega-3 and omega-6 which play an important role in regulating reproductive functioning, improving blood flow and enhancing sperm quality and mobility. Flaxseed oil is a good EFA alternative for those who don't eat fish.
Full fat dairy
Research has found that women who eat at least one portion of full fat dairy a day are significantly less likely to suffer from fertility problems that those who consistently go for low fat or non dairy options. Dairy products are also a great source of calcium which is important in the development and maintenance of the nervous system, bones and blood.
Garlic
Although not typically known as a food for romance, garlic contains an abundance of fertility boosting nutrients and can easily be neutralised with parsley. It's a great source of the mineral selenium which is thought to enhance male fertility and help prevent the chromosome breakage that may play a role in early miscarriage. Garlic also contains vitamin B6 which helps to regulate hormones and strengthens the immune system.
Lean red meat
Lean red meat is a great source of iron which helps to prevent anaemia, decreases the risk of ovulatory infertility and plays a role in the production and function of red blood cells. Red meat is also a good source of vitamin B12 which is essential in the maintenance and development of the nervous system.
Honey
Honey has been used to enhance fertility throughout history as it is incredibly rich in the minerals and amino acids that nourish the reproductive system and stimulate ovarian function. It's considered by many to be a fertility boosting super food.
Spinach
Spinach and other leafy greens are an excellent source of folic acid which is important in optimising sperm production, facilitating regular, healthy ova production and helping to prevent neural tube defects during early pregnancy. It is also a great source of iron and vitamin C which helps to enhance sperm quality by protecting the DNA stored within it from damage.
Oysters
It is the abundance of zinc found in this seafood delicacy that gives it its fertility boosting qualities. Zinc is often considered to be the most important fertility nutrient as it has been shown to help with both healthy sperm and egg production. If oysters aren't your thing, zinc can also be found in baked beans, eggs, nuts, whole grains and pumpkin seeds.
Chillies
These certainly 'spice' things up in the fertility department by increasing the flow of blood around the body, ensuring that the reproductive system gets a healthy supply. Chillies also stimulate endorphin production which means more fertility boosting, stress releasing, happy hormones circulate around your body and are also an excellent source of vitamin C which helps with iron absorption.
Avocado
Avocado provides a rich source of vitamin E which is a powerful antioxidant and an essential fertility nutrient for both men and women as it improves the viability of sperm and helps to regulate both ovulation and the production of cervical mucus. It is also an excellent source of unsaturated fats which are essential for healthy hormone functioning, olive oil is another good vegetable source.

In general when trying for a baby it pays to go for good quality, unprocessed foods as these are likely to be much richer in vitamins, minerals and nutrients and also freer from pesticides and added oestrogens that may disrupt reproductive functioning in both men and women. By supplementing a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle with the foods listed above you will help to ensure you have all the nutrients you need to ensure your reproductive system is in optimum condition.

***try to gain some knowledge n benefit frm here..

e’ TRIlogy..sensei (part 2)

Salam again

Cont lg cerita pasal sensei…since that is our 1^st time getting a treatment therefore we still want to cont. therefore as usual after Friday work we went to e’ shop n see e’ doc…frm my previous consumtion of e’ herbs, perbezaannya saya selalu nak buang air besar (oopss…sori terpaksa kureng sopan skit..hikhik), kira mcm membuang toksin dlm bdn ler…coz kalu ikut normality selalunya 2/3hr sekali jer baru nak membuang tu..tp herbs ni memproses sehingga ia menjadi sehari sekali n sometimes even 3 times a day…at 1^st I wonder whether i’m having diarrhoea…haha coz I’m not so good in analyzing changes happen to my own body (so bad is it..).but no its not…its e’ affect of taking e’ herbs…membersih toksik2 dlm bdn

So after checkup doc kata itu satu tindakbalas yg bgus utk badan….n this time dia Nampak perubahan pd saya..katanya my jari jemari nampak lebih merah (byk darah) coz I’m e’ type yg putih pucat mcm org x cukup darah…n herbs2 ni byk membntu penambhan darah dm bdn supaya lebih bertenaga n lebih sihat…so this time doc bg lg herbs utk tambah darah lg…n cucian dalamn…n this time too I’ve being ask to monitor my body temperature every mng…actually ni kira nak tgk suhu bdn waktu subur selama 3 bln ler…so dia bg satu body temperature schedules n I juz mark ka mana2 suhu bdn yg I sukat for every mng utk 3 bln tu…I guess frm there she will analyze e’ pattern when is my fertility day…actually saya dah athu lama tp x tahu ler pernah nak buat..trasa lecehnya sgt tp bila dah kena push dgn sesorang ni..nak x nak kena lar buat juga. Then this time visit I ‘ve got 6 days nya herbs drink consumption which is 2 sachet for a day…mng n nite time. But dlm masa 6 hr tu ada terjuga saya terlepas minum sehari skali jer..coz bila kat ofis, dlm sibuk2 tu terlupa lar plak….tp tetap habiskan..almaklum utk kesihatan n its worth something for me n hubby. So this time round not even one mth another rm120 being invested…so usaha atas dunia ni mmg kena pakai duit, tp kalu usaha ikut cara kita sebagai umat islam x perlu sebanyak tu tp usaha bkn dgn satu cara…kita kena cuba pelbagai cara as long as cara tu HALAL disisiNYA.

Prescriptions dlm bhs chinese language again….

**Pasal harga yg saya tulis bkn utk membangga tp utk dishare kos yg saya tanggung bg segala effort org spt kami yg tiada zuriat bertahun lamanya…bkn utk berputus asa tp sbg pembakar semangat utk mrk yg mungkin x tahu mau bermula dr mana coz yes few yrs back saya dah cuba cara moden IUI but still fail – we do a treatment kesuburan di LPPKN n HUKM tp masih x berhasil…me n hub buntu coz doc kata kami ok tp x tahu dimana puncanya jd after that kami stop dulu almost 2 yrs but as times past by kami trasa sunyi n perasaan utk memilik zuriat dtg kembali, n this time we start wif new ways…we go for specialist yg menjd sebutan Dr Hamid Arsat, tp resultnya tetap sama..kami ok n dia suggest utk buat IUI….erm that simple shortcut for modern ways..u hv money n u want what u want so u follow our only ways..which will cost us A LOT!!! Hahaha me n hubby not satisfied coz we already done it n we want diffnt result frm diffnt doc but its still e ‘ same so y we should go for it …plus it will cost us a lot…fuuh, then we decide to do other things 1^st before we proceed again for e’ same treatment. so here is e ways…which I try to share with people who hv e’ same fate with me rite now….thats all .

e’ TRIlogy..DARUSSYIFA’ (unvanished efforts)

salam…sharing is caring…erm itu jer yg tpk skrg dlm minda aku rite now…apa yg nak dishare ek…well baru teringat ttg effort kami buat rawatan dgn Darussyifa’..

nak jd citer actually dah lama pernah berckp dgn hubby nak cuba pi dptkan rawatan kaedah islamic dgn darussyifa ni tp slalu ada jer yg membantutkan rancangan kami..tp kali ni saya rasa kena juga pergi..x bleh tidak..sampai bila nak postpone kan..kalu ikut halangan mmg byk, ada jer tp diri sdiri mau ingat apa yg penting n perlu didahulukan maka cari ler masa tu..bkn masa tu yg cari kita. so di satu hr hujung minggu – ahad yg lepas2 (dah x ingat tarikh) kami pi juga..

sehari sebelum aku dah siap research utk kesekian kalinya thru website mengenai darussyifa ni..tempat n kaedah rawatan mrk..all this while aku mmg x lekang baca doa mohon zuriat spt yg terdpt dlm buku doa2 rawatan penyakit keluaran dr haron din pengasas darussyifa’ ni..cuma blm tergerak ati nak pergi jer…BTW buku tu hadiah teman lama satu sek di johor yg telah berjumpa kembali akhirnya di KL ni….** thanx ana!!

i search for nearest pusat rawatan to my housing area or place which is in rawang..so ada rupanya kat Tmn Rawang Perdana – kelolaan tn Hj Jantan Awang bertempat di surau Nur-Ikhwan. Saya call dulu utk mengetahui prosedur rawatan n kemungkinan keperluan yg perlu dibawa utk rawatan..alhamdullillah cuma perlu dtg sekelamin n bawa 2 btl air mineral…utk bacaan doa skit kot n buat minum – tekaan aku ler…so set kami decide pi next weekendnya which is on sunday.

details info utk cawangan darussyifa n selebihnya leh pi SINI

aku dan hubby decide pi lepas solat asar, snang skit..dah selesai sgala kalu nak bjalan pun x ler rasa susah nak singgah mana utk tunaikan yg wajib tu even rawatan dibuat kat surau tp agak leceh utk kaum hawa ni..almaklum byk yg nak ditukar pakai bila nak bersolat tu…selepas n sebelum. kami sampai dlm kul 5.30..agak tersorok perumahan ni n surau ni punya lokasi n keadaan surau pun agak x berapa terserlah. x per arr..yg penting dah sampai..kami pi daftar n amik nombor so ikut kiraan lg 15 org nya sblm turn kami so kami minta izin nak kuar pi beli air btl n mkn jap since x lunch pun so ptg dah trasa laparnya tu…

selesai mkn kami pi smula ke surau n tunggu giliran. actually style rawatan is ikut no..n di bah anjung surau ni dipasang tirai utk mengasingkan ruang2 rawatan yg ada..lebih kurang dlm 7 ruang juga dimana setiap satu ruang ada seorang perawat/ustaz yg handle…so bila no dipanggil kita masuk ler ikut ruang yg ditetapkan. smentara menunggu sempat ler juga terdengar disebalik tirai2 tu ada pesakit yg seolah2 meninggikan suara (mcm kena rasuk gitu..wallahuallam) coz darussyifa is rawatan cara islam so pelbagai penyakit leh cuba dirawat disini.. termasuk spt kami…y not cuba kan..coz mmg ler aku yakin ayat al-quran tu membantu tp siapa lar diri kita…so cuba cari y agak pakar utk bantu kita n tunjuk ajar apa yg perlu dibuat or etc, which is apa2 pun tuan bdn kena lebih kuat ler keyakinan n semangatnya kan utk setiap hajat n rawatan yg diperlukan..then baru selebihnya ALLAH yg tahu n tetapkan. redhaaaaaaaaaaaa.

sampai masa, no aku dipanggil. kami berjumpa dgn ustaz Faduri (if x silap eja..mcm tu ar namanya). Tenang n bersih wajah dia…sayu lak nak bercerita masalah kami…tp apa2 pun ianya menjadi mudah bila masalah kami disambut baik dgn sdikit intro muhasabah diri sdiri terlebih dahulu….sikit2 ustaz mula korek rahsia kami n skit2 juga dia minta kami bersabar n jgn seskali berputus asa dlm apa jua cara perubatan yg kami lakukan n yg penting jgn lupa berdoa…minta pd yg ESA. selain dr tu kami diminta buat solat taubat nasuha utk sgala keterlanjuran n dosa yg mungkin tlah dilakukan(mmg ada lakukan..almaklum kita manusia biasa..x mungkin dpt lari dr sgala dosa kan…huhu..) n pastu selalu lar bersolat hajat katanya…minta n trus minta hajat kita agar dimakbulkan…AMIN

ya mmg aku pernah buat solat hajat ni zaman2 belajar dulu..minta dimudahkan masa duk exam..jauh dr darah gemuruh n leh buat exam n ditenangkan ati ler…n smua tu dah lama…so dah lama x buat solat sunat hajat ni…erm skrg bermula ler semula ibadah aku yg spatutnya x perlu ditinggalkan even bkn diwaktu memerlukan coz x rugi pun buat perkara2 sunat ni bahkan dpt menambah pahal pd yg kurang dlm hidup ni…oooooo manusia…iaitu aku. sedih plak bila dipk kan…skrg aku cuba cari celah2 masa yg ada utk buat solat hajat..n yg pasti skrg ni hajat aku utk mendapat zuriat..solat aubat nasuha pun aku buat bila berkesempatan….taubat utk sgala dosa yg lepas  dan mudah2an sgala2 dosa n ksalahan tu x berulang. AMIN.

cont pasal nasihat ustaz..ada satu yg menyentap minda n perasaan aku waktu tu bila dia bertanya pernah ke terlintas utk dpt lambat zuriat or x mau zuriat? fuuh..berderau darah dgr..coz mmg ada berbincang dgn mr hub masa baru2 betui kahwin..almaklum saya baru bhenti kerja ikut suami ke kl..tercangak2 cari kerja so kalu bleh biar smua stabil skit baru nak on tp lpas dpt kerja n dah ready till now lum ader….wallahuallam..tp atas nasihat ustaz tu, katanya even kita cuma berniat n terlintas di hati kadang2 allah tu maha kaya dia mendengar n mungkin dia tlah memakbulkan permintaan kami di saat tu…..maka skrg kami juga dinasihatkan agar x berputus asa berdoa dna memohon drNYA agar dikirniakan rezeki itu kembali.

so now on mmg saya cuba solat hajat sehari skali…n kalu dpt lebih dr tu…AMIN semoga DIA mendengar n memakbulkannya. lpas dr tu dia minta kami bawakan air tadahan hujan pd ari khamis mlm jumaat….utk apa..x pasti..yg pasti kena ler cuba dptkan..but till today x dpt2 lg air hujan mlm jumaat..cuaca mmg hujan tp x kena lar plak hr yg spt kita mahu..so kali ni kami war2kan pd sdara mara n kedua ibu bapa saya utk membantu..mana ler tahu tempat mrk hujan ari tu..leh arr tlg2 tadahkan.

jd skrg tgh berusaha every week tgk ada rezeki kami tak utk dptkan air hujan ari khamis mlm jumaat ni…frm my reading dr buku haron din tu ada 7 jnis air yg leh dibawa insyaallah mujarab utk berubat tp ustaz ni nak air ni..so kami tetap akan usahakan….AMIN..mudah2an dipermudahkan segala urusan kami.

till NOW…cukup ler dulu corat coret ni. bersambung lg dilain kesempatan.

e’ TRIlogy – sensei

salam to all…selepas puas berusaha dgn cara homoeopathy kami tergerak ati nak try mkn medicine dr tabib cina – sensei gitu kata org melayu…actually this kind of treatments or chinese herb medicine has lot of times being talk by me n my chinese colleague, it just that not a rite time or in another words not yet feel wanna try..but when my successful mother to be BF is also taking this kind of medicines few mths b4 she’s grant wif e’ good news, she did try e’ chinese medicine.

this does not mean we give up wif homoeopathy ways…we still continue wif e’ medicines…coz for me homoeopathy medicine n chinese herbs is not contradict to each other…its not like modern medicine which is chemically content. some more if its good for our own health, y not juz continue…

after finish work last friday, we immediately move to our main destination – tong ren tang herbs shop in SS2 PJ. once i step in e’ shop..waaaa e’ smell of herbs struck direct to my nose. scared for a moment..my hubby straight to e’ point wif e’ shop assistant..we want to c e’ doc for our case. so we fill in form n wait for a while…my eyes scroll over e’ entire shop..neat n tidy…few people comes in n out purchase e’ medicine herbs. i can see they weighing all’ e herbs n pack for next procedure…still guessing this time.

                      

suddenly my turns up, we go in n see e’ doc, however as i’m expected n being told by my BF, e’ doc is frm china therefore they cant speak, malay or even english..only mandarin..so we hv an interpreter for that….n we communicate thru her in malay..so certain terms in malay is hard to understand too for chinese, n once a while we laugh looking at each other – like ayam n itik gitu. but we manage to deliver n explain our purpose n prob of y we are here…. +/- lerr…then e’ doc write in chinese for our prob n prescriptions…fuuh mmg ler i’m not understand..however the assistant said my prob maybe bcoz of my egg is too cold..so its hard to happen…so e’ herbs will try to makes e’ egg a bit warm..hahaha!! kalakar bila dgr tp i respect e’ specialist opinion…n for me its not harm to try. coz ada logik juga frm her explanation.

i’ll see this lady doc..

after finish with all e’ stroy mory between me, doc & e’ assistant, i’ll wait for the herbs prescription to be prepared. once finish, they show it to me..wah so many herbs…but i’m already ask for akar kayu/vege herbs jer not animal or anything related to liquor n they do understand…later they packed it to prepare for rebusan..tinggal minum jer nanti..so i hv to come back tomorrow to collect the ready packs herbs drink.

 

prescription in chinese writing – mr hub kata amanina leh baca kut.. (my nephew)..hehehe

e’ herbs..BYK giler..  herbs drink..hitem gelemat..n yg dlm pack tu slps direbus mrk siap2 pack kan utk sekali nya drink…so 1 pack 1x drink ha….dui what can i say about e’ taste – fuuh bercinta rasanya nak minum tp utk kesihatan telan juga ler…pahit, kelat semua pun ada tp mrk siap bekalkan asam utk kasi ilang rasa dr tekak slps minum herbs tu..tocei2..all this herbs cost me rm85++ n fee for doc is rm20

herbs drink ni i kena minum 2 pack sehari..1/2 hrs before or after eat…e’ gap to ensure bkn food yg i telan tu yg absorb e’ herbs tp my body..tu yg kena 1/2 hr before or after having e’ heavy meal…

so untill today when i’m wrote this…already left 5 more packs to go..after that i have to go n c them again..c what's is the next step or medicines need for me.

*** a few days more to go utk bercinta dgn herbs drink ni…dui..tahan n sabo..ubat mana yg manis?? cuba jawab…

e’ TRIlogy – part 2

its SATurday, last weekend for fasting mth...we hv make an appmnt wif dr zaim - he is a doc for homeopathy practitioner. well actually i'm just glad coz this time all my pray was successfully heard by HIM. its gives me a strength n confident to do n to go all thru this again. this doc has been introduced by my sis.

the appmnt was fixed on 2.30pm.we out early frm house n drop by at giant kj for little shopping. i bought e' anmum materna milk powder for me..its going to be my supplement since i'm e' one who are really not in love with MILK - fresh or powder so this is like paksa rela..going to drink it wif my milo, so it will not taste much to me.

sharp 2.30pm we r ready at e' front door of this homeopathy clinic. actually this is my 2nd visit which previously i came to collect medicine for my niece raihan -sis daughter. its a very simple clinic n it can be said it does'nt look like clinic at all wif simple furniture occupied in e' room. no pharmacy room or counter, we juz doing some  simple registration by filling in 1 page form asking about our personal details of me n hubby.

after that we wait for a while n then being entertain by e' doc - dr zaim. well in my opinion after talking few minutes with him – he is a simple n soft spoken person. i cant barely heard his talking when xplaining e' homeopathy method to us..hahaha..i said to my hubby..."doc ckp slow sgt..mcm x kuar suara...or mcm x nk ckp"...well i guess this is because we r not alone...i mean e' patient...other patient is also waiting in e' same room n others is doing some other test...therefore, i think most probably he try to keep slow for any info deliver regarding our case...hermmm..a bit no privacy.

but e' consulting cont wif our nerves test. its a test where we put like a an earphone to our left ear n our left hand being traced wif a thing like a test pen n ada arus elektrik to detect our nerves area samaada berfungsi baik to our body system or not. e' feel is like kena mild arus elektrik yg x memudaratkan pastinya....then for me, i feel e' strong arus elektrik or feel e' pain at e' bottom of my telapak tgn..snang kata kat my pergelangan tgn which according to zaimah-his asst, its because of my period pain. other part is functionally well, nothing is wrong.

e’ nerves test tools

after that we hv some discussion on dietary or daily food consumption for both of us. food n drinks to avoid, so basically i hv some idea on y certain fish, fruit n drinks is not good to my health n even to my hubby health which can lead to a good fertility. will story more later on abt this all unhealthy food prescribed for me to avoid.

after almost 1 an half hr, we reached to an end...doc gave me 4 types of homeopathy medicines which is for energy, pregnancy n period pain. while for my hubby is only for energy. this energy medicine is to boost our daily energy n feel comfortable n healthy to do daily work n xxx (sdiri tau yer..).He estimated us to success in this treatment within 4 mths wif his past patient experience. so for me...i'll try n never give up n for sure i must hv confident wif what am i doing currently. therefore me n hubby hv decide to put on hold our treatment wif dr hamid arshat. we want to try this method, not really traditional but its another option for us other than modern ways. so juz PRAY for us...!!

BTW while i was there, i hv read this one interesting article abt homeopathy....so its nice to get to know abt other option of healthcare method other than usual we used now...

so for those who is open minded n looks for other options in medical treatment..y not try this...its true n fact!

e’ TRIlogy – part 1

salam…this is a trip of my journey to hv a happy family..been thru this twice before, but i’m not in a mood n instinct to share all e’ moments n experience wif others…but this time i will. hope wit this it will release my burden a bit…release my tense apart..release my tears away!! ALLAH i really needs all e strength u gave me all along past 7 yrs for me to face becoming yrs in future.

after thnking n decided, me n hubby wanna start all over again. we hv stop frm any treatment 2 yrs back with lots of hope that it will happen naturally if those ways does not help..but our hope failed every mths n yrs pass us by…tears come n go, we are speechless n at one time we blank…blank in all ways.

we start wif our visit to dr hamid arshat – e’ popular gynae & fertility doc in town after few recommendation made by my bff n frm my reading reference too…

my appmnt scheduled on 24/8 – fasting mth..so no sperm count will be done for my hubby but i guess, i cant wait no more..no more delays..then only ALLAH knows, we planned but he is e’ one will make it happen or not..on that day which i’m readily prepared wif my leave taken n mentally set up for all e’ discussions, i fall sick – having gastric pain. seriously painful, i went to clinic, taking injectioon to reciover frm e; pain n fall asleep few hrs, therfore my appmnt was cancelled n rescheduled to 2/9…lucky e’ gap was not far..

as has been set-up, we made it today to e’ clinic. arrive there n register around 9am. waited almost 2 hrs in e’ waiting room for my turn..i see a lot of people wif big tummy n no tummy (but it doesn't mean they don't have yet…might be not enuf mths to show e’ big momma tummy yet). i’m controlling myself when surrounded wif all these ladies…read e’ magazines to throw out my sadness n boring mood away…

at 11.10am i’ve been call to c e’ doc…for e’ 1st time going to face to face wif this special doc – special wif his name n special wif his ability n experience…wif lots of hope in my heart n lots of toughts in my mind..what to say, what to response n what to ask!!

he is nice..muka bersih…huh tenangnya tgk dia but time is always a constraint…we chat in a fast motion, asking n answering n jotted down necessary info by him..then do e’ scanning..haha, i feel good when he said my cyst not a prob anymore bcoz he can’t see my cyst is growing up in my womb again…so he decide me to do IUI. fuuh snangnya doc ni bg cadangan n keputusan – IUI. without any query further n test to do..he is all depends on my previous info n test result jer..leh ker pakai lg…coz dah more than 2 yrs all e’ test result pun..will it be e’ same?? huh that is worried me most. but i guess si pakar will know better…jgn mkn duit den saja dah ler…but its save me a lot too, coz all e’ test is costly espc nowdays. so berserah..

ok, after 15 min of chit chatting, we out frm e’ room…being called for medicines n payment. hahaha…i’ve been given

obimin – multivitamin which content is

Vitamine A 3000unit USP
Vitamine D 400unit USP
Vitamine C 100 mg
Vitamine B1 10 mg
Vitamine B2 2,5 mg
Vitamine B6 15 mg
Vitamine B12 4 mg
Nicotinamide 20 mg
Calcium panthothenate 7,5 mg
Calcium lactate 250 mg
Acide folique1 mg
Ferrous fumarate 90 mg
Iodine 100 mg

Folic acid, sometimes called folate, is a B vitamin (B9) found mostly in leafy green vegetables like kale and spinach, orange juice, and enriched grains. Repeated studies have shown that women who get 400 micrograms (0.4 milligrams) daily prior to conception and during early pregnancy reduce the risk that their baby will be born with a serious neural tube defect (a birth defect involving incomplete development of the brain and spinal cord) by up to 70%.

That's why it's so important for all women of childbearing age to get enough folic acid — not just those who are planning to become pregnant.Only 50% of pregnancies are planned, so any woman who could become pregnant should make sure she's getting enough folic acid.

lypracorn (acetyl-l-carnitine + alpha lipoic acid)

Acetyl-L-Carnitine is a molecule that occurs naturally in the body with a very similar structure as the well known amino acid carnitine, again levels diminish over time. It is recognised for its anti-aging and energy giving properties.

Alpha Lipoic Acid is one of our favorite antioxidants because it has been shown to help reactivate all of the other antioxidants and rejuvenates itself. It also turns bad genes "off" and boosts glutathione which is critical for liver detoxification (and helping your liver to get rid of toxins and excess hormones). All of the organs, fluids, and players in the reproductive system are made up of cells which need protecting. Health cells = healthy fertility.
Cells are turning over all of the time. Alpha Lipoic Acid can have an impact on the health of your cells. One area that we want to nourish and protect is the egg. During the cycle of an egg from "storage" to ovulation there is an opportunity for the egg to be impacted by toxins or nutrients. Antioxidants can provide protection from these free radicals so the DNA is intact and you have a health egg for conception.

the two are a powerful combination that can improve vitality and help protect against disease; studies have shown that they work together to “tune up” the energy-producing organelles that power all cells, the mitochondria - seen as the weak link in aging. As we age, the mitochondria decay both structurally and functionally, and the levels of antioxidants in the body fall, both Alpha Lipoic Acid and Acetyl-L-Carnitine protect mitochondria function and therefore help to preserve cell function and energy.

which all this for my fertility purpose n for my mrhub, is given nurev resveratrol complex for sperm count enhancement – all these for 1 nth consumption n it cost me wif scan procedure n 1st time consulting exactly rm464.

lucky i hv rm500 in purse…so whats left?? we walk out wif lots of hope n waiting patiently for nxt mth appmnt for IUI. by then ADIOS.